Aug 17 2006

Dear Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!


Thanks,
A Troubled User.

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because  Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony -Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.


Wife 1.0
is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.


Best of luck,

Tech Support

Aug 16 2006

Thunder in the Valley

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Pics from the annual "Thunder in the Alberni Valley" in Port Alberni are up. There's a LOT of them, so there's no witty captions or anything yet. Enjoy!

Aug 15 2006

Top Gator Eliminator

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At the 4th Annual Zimmer Wheaton Night of Fire, the Eagle Motorplex hosted the first ever exhibition run in Top Gator Eliminator.

In the first pass of the first qualifying session, Zak Clarke cut a stellar .004 light and laid down a blistering 27.947 ET in the 1/8th at an unheard of top speed of 17.54 MPH.

After the pass, all involved agreed that with such staggering numbers already on the board it was too dangerous to proceed. Unfortunatley, the future of TGE is in limbo while the NHRA, SFI Foundation, Eagle Motorplex staff and John Deere (manufactures or the Gator) work to ratify some basic regulations for the class.

Needless to say, Clarke was furious about not being able to make a second pass to back the obvious world record blast. He could not be reached for comment at press time. 

Aug 10 2006

Bike Donuts

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Video Of The Moment:
I'm pretty sure I'd barf…
Aug 10 2006

English Lesson

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Video Of The Moment:
This is how you teach english…

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