Aug 08 2007

Animal Lovers

A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

Aug 07 2007

Gone Fishing

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"

Aug 07 2007

Blowing Bubbles

 Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court.

The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?" "I was blowing bubbles."

The judge then called in duck number two and asked the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."

He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me guess… you were blowing bubbles too?"

"No, I'm Bubbles. Nice to meet you!"

 

Aug 07 2007

Devout Catholic

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.

At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together."

 A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

The priest says "No, I mean her legs!"

Aug 07 2007

Tough Guy

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells
"Give me a Budweiser, or…!"

Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This
happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a
nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should
stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides
to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns.

"Give me a Budweiser, or…!"

"O-o-o-o-r-r-r… w-w-what?" stammers the bartender.

"A small Coke."

Theme based on a modified version of Alibi from BlogChemistry