"Good evening ladies & gentleman. Thanks to all of you for coming tonight.

 I am honoured to be the best man tonight; but it's kind of confusing. Because if I am the best man, why did Meredith marry Tony and not me? I guess I am the "Pretty Good Man."

I have never had to give a speach as the Pretty Good Man before, so I looked for a little advice. I found that the speach should take as long as the groom making love. So, have a good night…

Tony was born March 13th, 1971. I tried to link a major world event to that day but came up with nothing. Although, the nurses at the hospital still refer to it as "Ugly Wednesday." Apparently in pre-school, there was something different about Tony than all the other 5 year olds. He was 11.

Tony moved on to his "Popeye pants and mullet" days. Then to his doorman days, and currently is the bassist for a band called "Loud As Fuck Something."

The doorman gig is where he met Mega D. Actually, he wasn't very fond of her at the time; Meredith continuously went over his head to get into the bar! At that point, he figured that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. They moved on to have a very romantic first date. No Details!

And here we are…

I should take this time to recall all of Tony's funny misdemeanours, but unfortunately I have played a part in most of them. This might tarnish my impeccable reputation.

So, without further a-Dew…

Please, raise your glass to Tony and Meredith!"

Thanks Zak; I KNOW you could have made that A LOT worse. Mega D thanks you as well, 'cause she knows you have the dirt on her too. It was a really great speech and you brought down the house. Congrats!