Weekend at ‘Berni

From left: Tony Dew, ‘Starter Steve’ Manning, ‘Colorful Al’ Quigley, Door Slammer winner Zak ‘Clean Tree’ Clarke, Chris ‘Beef’ Mitchell, Joe ‘Top Wop’ Mura, Ken ‘Numba 1’ Orser and Howie ‘Wanna Cookie?’ Davidson (kneeling)

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Grant Rocks!

What some people will do for money…

Animal Lovers

A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

Gone Fishing

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"

Blowing Bubbles

 Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court.

The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?" "I was blowing bubbles."

The judge then called in duck number two and asked the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."

He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me guess… you were blowing bubbles too?"

"No, I'm Bubbles. Nice to meet you!"